I Am Not the Problem, I Am The Symptom! Rethinking Identity, Visibility, and Self-Definition

“I am not the problem, I am the symptom.” This statement stayed with me all day.

It felt less like a passing thought and more like something I needed to sit with...a necessary shift in perspective...And maybe, just as I needed that shift, you might too...

So here I am sharing this as a form of reflection....part analysis, part personal narrative, part creative exploration, part leading by example with journaling as I get through this Canadian culture shock...because let's be real...storytelling heals...

"I Am Not the Problem. I Am the Symptom."

Rather than locating "difference" within me, this idea invites a deeper examination... of the social, cultural, and relational frameworks that shape how concepts like difference, danger, and deviancy are constructed, perceived, and ultimately projected onto people "like me"...(whatever that may mean...)

Within my own family, I was made aware (mostly explicitly) that I did not quite align with expectations. Through comparison, silence, and the quiet reinforcement of norms, the message was clear: there was a way to be, and I existed just outside of it. My mother's frustration with me was a constant, directed at things I didn't understand then and couldn't have changed even if I had. The rules were never explained, only enforced.

As a result, "fitting into society" was never something I internalized as realistic... or even desirable. When you learn early on that belonging is conditional, you also learn to question the conditions themselves. You start examining the iron bars of Weber's cage one by one, learning which ones were built for you and which ones were built to hold you. At least, that's what I did to survive.....

And through that survival (through my lived experience and education ) I came to understand something important: when you visibly reject social expectations, people don't simply see "difference." They assign their own meaning to it, regardless of what's truly inside.

My coloured hair is read as unprofessional. Distracting. Something that needs to be explained. (Sexual, for some, which still baffles me entirely!) And yet none of those assumptions reflect my expertise, my education, or the level of mastery I bring to my craft. Nor would they be questioned if I were a bombshell blondie....

Let's be real....From an early age, identity is framed through simplified, socially reinforced categories and labels. Appearance, in particular, becomes a shorthand for evaluating people. I was safest at school, and I excelled there.... so inevitably, the labels found me: teacher's pet, book nerd, truth-teller, loser, weirdo.... These were not neutral descriptors. They were bullied onto me.

And while I laughed at the bullies then just as I do now, those labels still reflect something deeper: cultural expectations about conformity, belonging, and falling in line.

I know I am not the only one who grew up wearing some version of a stereotype, whatever label you own, wear, or deny. I know you can relate to this in one way or another....

I never fit comfortably within those categories. Or any categories, for that matter.

Despite attempts to conform, I found that labels consistently failed to capture the complexity of who I am. Over time, that dissonance led me to a critical realization: the issue was never my inability to fit into these categories. It was the inadequacy of the categories themselves.

Those school labels were my first encounter with a system that needed me to be legible, just as my mother had needed me to be legible long before that, in ways I was never equipped to satisfy.

My vibrant coloured hair is my adult answer to that demand.

My decision to wear my hair as brightly and uniquely as possible emerges from that context.

However, my personal hair choice is frequently misinterpreted. In contemporary discourse, visible markers like rainbow imagery are apparently assumed to signal specific political, ideological, or sexual intentions. (WTF)......And there is without a doubt a tendency to conflate visibility with agenda..... to assume that difference must be explained, justified, or tied to a broader narrative....

But my hair is not a manipulation tool. It is not an ideological agenda. It is not an attempt to impose a viewpoint or prescribe belief. It is certainly not a "grooming" strategy, and the fact that anyone would project that onto anybody, speaks volumes about the culture the misleading media allowed to spread.

My coloured hair, whatever it may be, is an act of self-definition. It is shaped by a lifetime of being positioned outside of expectation. It communicates a refusal to be reduced to externally imposed labels. It asserts that identity is not something to be passively assigned, but actively constructed and lived.

And yet, the moment my self-definition enters public space, it stops being just mine.

This is where the idea of being "the symptom" becomes significant.

Public reactions to visible difference (whether expressed through appearance, identity, or self-presentation) often reveal underlying tensions within society itself. Discomfort, critique, and the urge to categorize are not simply responses to an individual. They are symptoms of broader structural and cultural limitations.

In this sense, visibility functions as a mirror.

It reflects the boundaries of what is considered acceptable. It exposes the conditions under which diversity is celebrated versus when it is resisted. When individuality becomes highly visible and refuses categorization, it disrupts established norms.... prompting reactions that are less about the person and more about the systems being challenged.

The "problem," then, is not the person who exists outside of conventional categories. The problem (if it can be called that) lies in the persistence of frameworks that demand such categorization in the first place.

To exist visibly and authentically is not simply a personal choice. It is a social act. It challenges the assumption that identity must be easily defined, easily understood, and easily contained.

My rainbow hair is not about seeking attention or making a statement for someone else's benefit. It is about claiming the authority to define myself....something I learned to do long before society ever told me I needed permission....

Because just as I have been labelled my entire life, I have spent my entire life examining every label that was ever placed on me and onto others in hopes of understanding why we would do such limiting and inefficient things as humans....especially when we are obsessed with the McDonalidization of society.....

I am not the problem.

I am the symptom of a system still immature enough to be unsettled by people who were never given the option to fit in.... and who, ultimately, chose not to....Who will always choose not to....

Because I (we) will always walk away from Omelas.*